It has been incredibly rewarding to follow the suggestions in Dr. Dweck’s book on the growth mindset. I can honestly say it’s been one of the most de-stressing weeks of my life. I don’t remember a week being so carefree. I don’t mean to say that I’ve been lazy or uninterested in progression—quite the opposite. For the first time in a LONG time, maybe forever, I feel liberated to live life to the fullest, enjoying each moment. Here are just a few examples of how my week has looked very different from a typical “Beth week.”
1. I backed way down on the “to-do” list making.
I don’t know whether I will ever be able to not make lists because that is how my brain works, but I realized that I needed to take a break from them. It’s like when you go on a diet to lose 30 lbs., you cut out all desserts and fast food. When you reach your goal weight, you can allow yourself that occasional dessert or hamburger and it’s OK. You’re no longer addicted.
That’s the way I feel about lists. I’ve always used them because they’ve been “effective.” But I realized that every part of my life was ruled by them. I made lists about making lists (I’m not joking); I’ve made lists about shopping, meal planning, packing, daily goals, weekly goals, monthly goals, and quarterly goals, prayer items, Scripture reading, activities to do with my children—you get the idea. And if I did something that wasn’t on the list, I’d have to write in on the list and then cross it out. As if, if I didn’t physically cross it off a piece of paper my work wasn’t validated. Yikes. I think I was going a bit over the top. Or over the edge.
I’ve always loved lists because I NEVER forget things when I have lists. That’s the plus side—but it’s also the negative side. If it’s on my list, I never forget that I wrote it down and that usually, at the end of the day, I didn’t get it all done.
And so, I made a short list for myself on Monday and Tuesday but I still felt myself being glued to it or trying to finish that list as well as lots of stuff that I didn’t write down so I felt better about having a short list. And then I realized, OK, this shorter list thing is not helping. I need to do away with lists all together for a while until my addiction is under control. And you know what? Not having lists is not such a bad thing.
Case in Point: When my husband and I went for an overnight stay last weekend I decided not to make a packing list. “It’s just overnight,” I thought to myself, “I don’t need that much stuff anyway. I’m sure I won’t forget anything too important.” Well, much to my chagrin I forgot a brush and my mousse, both of which I use religiously every morning. When I first noticed my blunder, I could feel my blood pressure rise (stress) and then I said to myself, “Why do you think you need these things? Are you positive you can’t fix your hair without them?” And so, I chose to let the bad feelings go and proceeded to try my best without the forgotten items. Result? My hair looked no different than it does any other day. Lesson? I could be saving money on mousse.
2. I’ve been able to let things brush off of me.
Even under more “stressful” situations this week because of extra responsibilities related to my husband’s job, I’ve been able to have a much more blasé attitude. It’s not like my stress level changes the circumstances, so why risk my health?
Case in Point: When my “nothing-ever-gets-under-my-skin” husband came home earlier this week fuming about his job, I had one of the most enjoyable moments of our 7-year marriage—I suggested that since he can’t change what’s happening, he should find a better way to cope with his stress since I’d decided to have a good positive attitude about his crappy work schedule this week!
3. I’ve slept a lot better with less jaw tension and back aches.
Stress affect every part of your life—a large part being your physical health. Three of the ways (and there are more) that stress has affected my body is chronic fatigue, teeth grinding, and shoulder pain. The last year especially, I have battled waking up and not feeling rested, no matter how many hours I got. It was never if I felt tired but to what degree I felt tired.
I have ground my teeth so severely at night that the dentist told me I had to wear a specially-made night guard every night or I would be looking at losing teeth later in life. OK, not so good. So I am a proud owner of a slobbery night guard that I wear (mostly) religiously every night. (Are any of you thinking of the movie “Date Night”?)
Case in Point: Because I’m a grinder, I often would wake up with headaches, jaw tension and shoulder tension—shoulder tension that has forced me to seek relief thru acupuncture and physical therapy. Since practicing my growth mindset?—feeling restful when I wake with plenty of energy during my day, no jaw tension, and much less shoulder pain. Things are looking up.
4. I’ve become a cheerleader for my children.
The area that has been affected most by my growth mindset has been my parenting. Until I determined to speak growth-mindset words to my children, I didn’t realize how many opportunities we have as parents in a single day to influence the mindset of our children. Here are some examples of changes I’ve made in how I speak to my children:
Instead of: | I say: |
“You did a really great job at that!” | “I’m so proud of the effort you put into that!” |
“See how fast you can get this done.” | “It’s not a race. Just do your very best. That’s what counts.” |
“Wow. You did such a great job at that. You’re so smart!” | “Wow. You did such a great job at that. I’m so proud of the way you stuck with that project!” |
“You did that so fast! You’re so smart at mazes!” | “Well, since you completed that so quickly, why don’t you have fun and challenge yourself with this harder maze. I know you’re good at figuring things out.” |
Has it worked?
Case in Point: Earlier this week while driving my son to school I asked him:
“Why do you think Mommy is so proud of you?”
My son: “Because I’m smart.”
Mommy’s score: 0
Today I asked my son again:
“Why do you think Mommy is so proud of you?”
My son: “Because I’m a good learner.”
Score for Mommy!
I’m telling you, this growth-mindset thing is getting really addictive…no, that’s the wrong word. It’s getting really rewarding. I like that. I must be learning something.
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